“You are very lucky to be given this chance. It’s a rare opportunity to be able to live and train with a master for such a long period of time.”
Yes, I am aware of this. I agree that I am very lucky indeed. I appreciate this fact every day. However, sometimes, I just need a break. We train just over 60 hours a week and also have additional projects and work to do around the property. I’m pretty sure that this is more than a regular job.
Every day has both physical and mental challenges. Much of the training people see is very external and physical. Things we have been able to accomplish, such as running up mountains with weight, standing and training on bricks, climbing up and across ropes, running on logs and banisters, etc. These can be very tiring and take a toll on our bodies, especially when we do them every day. What people do not see are the more internal and mental challenges.
Sometimes I wake up at 5:30 in the morning and want to go right back to sleep. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has felt this before. Have you? Yeah, you definitely have :P The only problem is, I can’t skip “work”. I can’t call in sick. I have to wake up. I have to train. Am I complaining? No, not really. I’m just trying to offer our perspective from being in this program to the outside world.
One of the hardest challenges in my first year was running up the mountain with weight. Was it physically hard? Yes. We would have to run uphill for 15-20 minutes straight carrying 50lbs on our back. The only thing is, to me, it was more of a mental challenge than a physical one. I had to constantly tell myself to “keep going, don’t stop”.
I feel like this is a reoccuring thought that keeps popping into my head. No matter what the exercise is, the thought has always been the same. “Keep pushing yourself. Keep doing your best. Try harder”. I have recently realized that this may not be the best idea. Sure, I want to push myself to reach my full potential, but how much is too much? I’m trying to figure this out. I’m trying to find a balance. I want to train hard, but want to keep myself sane. In the past, I found that when I put too much effort into my training, I often found myself exhausted and drained. Worn out, unable to perform. Physically and mentally.
I am still trying to find this balance as I have reached this stage again. It seems as though it is whenever I hit a peak, or a plateau, I get a little depressed. I feel like I am not making progress. Luckily this time it isn’t mid-semester, but at the end. Today is the last day of training before we test, clean, and begin our summer schedules. I want to take it easy so I don’t wear myself out for testing tomorrow. I’m not sure how well that will go though. Jachym and I told each other we would take it easy yesterday. We had trouble doing so. I guess we’re so used to pushing each other, it’s hard to turn that mode off. I don’t want to be lazy, but I feel like I do need time to take it easy. There’s a difference between slacking and taking a break, right? One is a total disregard for one’s responsibilities while the other is taking time to recover, right? Or something like that, right? I’m sure I’m not the only one with these mental blocks when training, working, or anything. How do people, or you deal with this? Any advice? Thanks :)